Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Week 1, part 2: Things Left Unsaid

There was a friend who, much like a work-friend, was someone I curated my conversations quite a bit with.  I didn't bring up things that I knew we'd argue about, because it wouldn't be any fun or produce any changes.  There were quite a few things we would have argued about.  But we had fun together, and liked to do the same things, and listened to each others' heartaches and joys.

But this blog is not curated so strongly (I won't pretend that I am ignorant of all readers, or that the knowledge doesn't ever affect blog content), and that became a problem. It was not THE problem, there never really is a singular Problem, but I think that it was a problem, and related to other problems, and then there was moving apart and then it was over.

And now I have thoughts that need excising, or at least I would really really like to talk about them right now, but there is the looming specter of Who Might Be Reading, and I don't really know how to handle it.

Part of me thinks, this is a designated Personal Space.  I use words like "blog" and "journal," because "diary" sounds so girlish, but really, folks, this is a diary.  I even write it, diary-like, towards an imaginary other person(s).  And because it's a designated Personal Space, anyone reading is doing so at their own risk.  And if you don't want to read what I'm saying, that's what you get for reading my diary, right? 

But the metaphor isn't perfect.  Because I don't actually take any steps to keep people out.  I don't take steps to draw people in, but this space is a far cry from a locked book in the hidden drawer of my jewelery box with KEEP OUT written on the cover.  Reading my blog isn't a breach of trust because I don't tell anyone that they shouldn't read it.  And so it feels a little disingenuous to act as if I have perfect freedom to say anything about anyone on my blog.  (Well, I have perfect legal freedom, but the moral freedom is much more ambiguous.)

An obvious answer is to ramp up the actual privacy, restrict access to known readers, who are not people I am avoiding discussing, but I would like to avoid that.  I like to think that there is something to be gained by being public.  That taking this blog away would be doing someone a disservice.

The other obvious answer is to say, well, if I am not actually private, then I shouldn't say anything about anyone that I wouldn't say over a loudspeaker because that is the Rule of the Internet.  If you don't want your boss, your mom, or a judge to read something, you shouldn't say it online.

But, but, but I don't wanna.

No comments: