Thursday, June 23, 2011

broken up

It feels so good to have a name for the way things are. A reason. I am transitioning. I am coming to grips, after a year, that I'm not in school anymore. I am moving on. The two long-term relationships I ended each took a year for me to start trying to date again. Apparently, when I said I had recently "broken up" with school, I meant it more than I knew. I was waiting my year in limbo. And now I'm not.

Tonight I had appetizers and fizzy, smoking, brightly colored drinks with a friend I like a lot. She's a resident at the hospital, and a mom and in several romantic relationships, some of them long distance, so I don't see her often. Sometimes, when she gets time off, she calls me. And that makes me happy.


The dancing instruction I hate the most is "don't _____ until/unless I tell you to."

No shit. You lead a move and I follow it. So since I _____ed, OBVIOUSLY it's because I thought you were leading it. I'm totally willing to own to making a mistake, but it's a different mistake. It's "I misread that signal," not "I have no idea how social dancing works." Fuck you.

But, besides for that, salsa last night was a lot of fun. I still don't like the music as much, but I'm starting to feel less like a swing-girl putting up with salsa because it's the best she can get, and doing a clumsy job at it, and more like someone who wants to learn something new. Next time, I bring my character shoes.

The theme this summer seems to be paradigm shifting. I feel like I'm stretching, and it's not comfortable, and it's weird, but it will settle eventually.

I'm going to be the kind of girl who knows her way around heavy machinery. Who has metal chips in the soles of her shoes.

I'm slowly watching as old habits stop functioning, and social groups drift. Or, they stay the same, and I am slowly drifting. For the last year, I've been trying to hold on to the life I had, and it isn't working. I like the Iowa Underground Art Scenesters. But I'm not one of them. I'm realizing that I need to stretch out, and call people I don't usually call. I need to make my place here.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


I was fine writing you out. But, yeah, I'd love to write you back in. I'm trying to not be excited. Please. Don't fuck with me.


p.s. John Waters says hi

Sunday, June 12, 2011

letters #97 and #98

getting really close now

Friday, June 10, 2011

I have secret knitting plans.

Madeline Tosh + beads + SECRET KNITTING PLANS + knitty + etsy = WORLD DOMINATION.

My plans are coming along quite nicely.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

2 1/4

It's looking like I'm going to have enough cleared off my credit card to buy a camera in time for the fairs this season.

In honor of that, I've got a few scans left over from 2009:

Nebraska State Fair

4th of July carnival, Coralville IA