Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I am considering changing the official parameters of this relationship.

He says that things have been coming together for him, not the least of which is meeting me.

I don't want him to leave, but I don't want him to trust me.

He is offering me security, sincerity, he is offering me the chance to matter to him, and I want all these things but I don't know if I want to reciprocate.

Which sounds awful, I know.

He is in this for realz, he is not messing around, and my lack of decision making is becoming a decision to let this happen. It would be so easy.

I love the things he says to me. And I love the things he does to me. I anxiously wait for his texts. I worry when they're late. I have become someone waiting by a phone (well, sitting on the far end of the couch so I can sit my phone on the chair next to it, which is just close enough to the entrance of the basement to get a signal), and the grumpy I don't know what I want but I'm unhappy because I don't have it, went away with his text.

But, of course, I like to be flattered. And I like to be wanted. I want to be special. And I can't be trusted.

That's the story I know.

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