Should and should

So there is a boy.  He wrote to me on OK Cupid, and gave me a two-part pickup line.  Hence his working title, "pick up line boy."  Not very catchy, I realize.  But either he will get a real name, or he will disappear, and either way it won't matter for long.

And he moved immediately to hitting on me, very directly.  Neither porn nor romance novel, but certainly not anything ones parents should read.  Or anyone besides the intended recipient, really.    And he's been very eager to meet soon, with the implication that "meeting" would not consist of a coffee and a hug.  Also, he's 21.

I told him Maybe. How about we meet for a drink on Sunday and see how it goes?  I don't want him thinking that this is a hookup, because it won't be.  Some things are immediately on the table, depending on how it goes, some things might be on the table for later, depending.  But the thing is, there might not be any point in establishing the limits when he might kiss like Dan the Kissing Fish and make those limits irrelevant.  He suggested drinks and a movie at his place.

And that's actually what this post is about.  Because I know the answer is, needs to be, no.  I've never met this person before.  I have no idea who he is, if we'll like each other at all, or if he's going to try to rape me in his house.  This idea is entirely unsafe.  First meetings happen in public places where both parties are capable of leaving on their own, ideally with neither party knowing more than the first name of the other.  No phone numbers, no addresses, no last names.

I know what the sexual assault statistics are like.  Hell, I know what they're like in Iowa City, and it's Not Good.  I know that if something did happen, I would have to convince authorities and possibly a jury that having gone willingly to his house with the expectation of physical activity doesn't mean that I was giving up my ability to say no.  I might have to convince them that I'm not lying about saying no.  I know all these things intellectually.  I just can't manage to actually feel unsafe.

I feel like this happens to me a lot.  I never really have the proper amount of fear.  I can't manage to take tornadoes seriously, even though I've seen photos of the building I'm sitting in, not that long before I got here, torn up and hollowed out.  I'm afraid of silly things, like heights and needles, but not afraid of getting mugged in the bad parts of Oakland.  Despite the much larger chance of the latter.  Despite the personal experiences of people around me.  I live in a bubble, and I believe in my bubble.  And I know it's a problem, but I can't manage to take my problem seriously, either.

I don't like the right answer.  I want to watch a movie at his place.  So I dither.