Monday, July 29, 2013

Things I Thought I Could Handle

I almost did it.  I almost got out of this soul-sucking, spoon-taking, slump.  I went to the gym three days last week, and did housework, and consumed non-DA entertainment.  But now there is a wedding to go to in a few days, which means dressing my body, which means making clothes for my body, because nothing works for more than one event in a row, obvs, and I am realizing that I can handle moving my body in very specific ways, but I can't handle looking at it.

I found (borrowed) a top that was loose enough to feel reasonably comfortable in, but then it wanted a fitted slightly-A-linish skirt, and I started making that, but couldn't handle the whole "fitted" part of that, and it was going to be shiny which would make it that much worse if it went wrong, so I found some other fabric and made a nice skirt I could handle wearing except now it doesn't match the top, and the top it does match is skin-tight.  And it's not like I can hide being fat or anything.  I will be a fat person in a skirt and top, no matter what skirt and top I pick. And I'm having a fucking meltdown.

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