Monday, December 10, 2012

New Tag (to be applied retroactively)

So I'm trying to fight off irrational insecurities, and trying to find the right balance between "keeping him at arm's length," and "leaning too hard."  Trying to not give him the entire FEELINGSDUMP, not because he wouldn't help, but because it isn't helpful.  But I don't want to give him the poster version of me, either.  I don't want the person he comes to know and care about to be the person I've curated for him.  I've done that before, and it never works out well.

And I check Facebook.  And someone else is dead.

It isn't anyone I knew.  It isn't even anyone I knew existed, until now, when he doesn't exist anymore.  But a couple I know from dancing, some of the first people to reach out to me and be welcoming and friendly, they had a son.  And he killed himself last week.

I just want to scream at something.  I want to scream and hit things.  

The weekend after Thanksgiving, one of my dad's wife's best friends died.

I just—

I don't know.

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