He puts XOXOs in his texts. He calls me sweets. And I think, dear god, when did we get so damn cute? When did this happen and how? And then I think, when has this NOT happened? How long, after all, did it take before I was "falling into" the last guy, before I was asking Satanist Dan to be my boyfriend? Cuteness is, apparently, what I do.
And I wonder if it's because I pick guys who are inclined to syrupy proclamations, or if something about me brings it out in them. Is this my super power?
I think he's bringing me flowers on Sunday.
I realized that I always frame attraction to me in terms of supernatural powers. I am a superhero, a siren, it is something I do to compel these men to me. (That is, of course, when I'm not the ogre in the story.) I think it's because I can't quite believe that I would have actual appeal, so I must be doing something to make them think I do. It's all a magic trick somehow. And when I say it, I know how unreasonable it sounds, but some of me believes it anyway. Enough of me for the joking to seem just a little bit real, a little bit true.
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