Friday, November 2, 2012

Magic tricks

He puts XOXOs in his texts.  He calls me sweets.  And I think, dear god, when did we get so damn cute?  When did this happen and how?  And then I think, when has this NOT happened?  How long, after all, did it take before I was "falling into" the last guy, before I was asking Satanist Dan to be my boyfriend?  Cuteness is, apparently, what I do.

And I wonder if it's because I pick guys who are inclined to syrupy proclamations, or if something about me brings it out in them.  Is this my super power? 

I think he's bringing me flowers on Sunday. 

I realized that I always frame attraction to me in terms of supernatural powers.  I am a superhero, a siren, it is something I do to compel these men to me.  (That is, of course, when I'm not the ogre in the story.)  I think it's because I can't quite believe that I would have actual appeal, so I must be doing something to make them think I do.  It's all a magic trick somehow.  And when I say it, I know how unreasonable it sounds, but some of me believes it anyway.  Enough of me for the joking to seem just a little bit real, a little bit true. 

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