I don't miss dancing. I used to, but I can't feel it right now, I haven't for a while now, and I feel terrible about it. I don't just mean that I miss the feeling of wanting to dance. I actually feel like a bad person.
I liked that I liked dancing. I liked what it said about me. I liked being a person who liked dancing. I especially liked that it contradicted the usual "fat and lazy" archetype, but I also liked all the other character traits that are associated with dance.
I was okay with being unable to dance. I mean, it was frustrating as hell and kind of frightening, but at least I was prevented by something out of my control, something I could blame. I was still, at heart, a dancer, and could claim all the same character traits as someone who was actually dancing.
This is different. I see photos on Facebook of activities I'm missing, and I'm not jealous. I'm sitting at my desk, and I'm not anxiously waiting for when I can go and pedal a stationary bike to nowhere. I used to have something inside that needed letting out, but it ran away and never came back.
I know that I'm tired. Really, seriously, emotionally, tired. I had a long two weeks with stressful events, and my comfort zone : non comfort zone ratio has been really damn low. I know. But it feels like I'm forgetting anything else. It feels as if I might wait too long and get too comfortable and just keep sitting forever.
I saw a wellness coach yesterday. She confirmed my belief that I need to go talk to sports medicine. I have an evaluation appointment next Thursday. I am doing the right things but I feel like I'm running out of time.