Sunday, January 31, 2010

Satanist Dan, Ex-Boyfriend

It wasn't a surprise or anything. I didn't have to explain. He knew he wasn't being much of a boyfriend, and he knew I wasn't happy about it.

I think I scared him. Not for the reasons I was afraid of, not because I was turning into Crazy High-Maintenance Girl, but because I was real, because I have feelings. His actions had consequences, affected me in a real ways, and I think it's been a while since he's had anyone who cared what he did or didn't do, and I think that scared him. And that sounds like criticism, and I think most of you will see it that way, but it's a feeling I understand. Neither of us is very good at considering other people, and both of us are afraid of responsibility.

I think we'll get along, with him as my ex-boyfriend. I'm not going to delete him from my phone. I'll keep him on Facebook. We'll chat--but not very often. No one is angry, and no one is hurt. I'll be sad, sometimes, and I'll wish it could have gone differently. But it didn't, and I'm not sorry it happened. I'm already starting to categorize my thoughts of him under "fond nostalgia." And "Satanist Dan, the Ex-Boyfriend" has a nice ring to it.

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