Saturday, January 2, 2010

Notes left in Barthes, part 2

December 29

I am always convincing myself that he doesn't want me. I think I must enjoy it--I do it so often. I am so good at it.

I think that what I really want is to be The Other Woman, always in flux, never sure of where I stand. I would have a secret. I would be sexy. I would know the face of the woman I was afraid of.

I am, not happiest, but the most content, when life appears the way it does in the movie version of my life that plays, constantly, in my head. I don't need things to be good, I only need them to be right.

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