a song quote and a random photo

"you're such a good friend I have to break your heart
I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
just pretend I didn't tear your world apart."

I Keep Circling Around Something But I Don't Know if I'm Getting Any Closer

I was thinking more about blurry stuff, about how everyone wants just a little bit in focus, that wouldn't be so bad, would it, since most of the picture would still look the way I like it? If only 1% was sharp, then everyone would be happy. I agree that 1% isn't very much. The difference between 34% and 35% of something is hardly worth mentioning. But when it's the difference between 1% and 0, I think that difference becomes enormous. It becomes, not the difference between something and a little less, but the difference between something and nothing.

And I was thinking about how comforting those blurry images feel to me. I don't ever look at them and try to resolve them. Do other people do that? There's no frustration for me, no sense that I'm missing anything. I go back to the story I was telling last year, about my lousy eyesight, and my dislike of glasses, and I think that maybe that story was truer than I knew. I had been starting to think that the story I was telling was just that, not a true explanation, but something that sounded good, something believable but not necessarily the real reason for this obsession of mine.

I've had lousy vision for nearly as long as I can remember. I got glasses in third grade, but I never liked to wear them. I took every excuse I could find to avoid wearing them. I got used to using the tools of the nearsighted -- color and shape and movement instead of line to identify people and places. Even when I'd grudgingly started to wear my glasses on a regular basis, there were always certain things I would never wear them for. I used to do theater and choir, but I couldn't perform in my glasses. My glasses were like an anchor to myself, specifically the parts of myself I most wanted to let go of. My glasses were like a distillation of my own perception of my social awkwardness. Like a little kid who closes her eyes when she doesn't want to be seen, somehow I always felt more exposed when I could see clearly.

And since I don't wear glasses to bed, all those memories of just before falling asleep or just after waking, those are memories of color and light, sound and movement, but always a blur.

Inventory of the Things Closest to My Right Hand

keyboard
mouse
mousepad
monitor
stack of CDs to grade
empty Itoya 5x7" folder
Calumet catalog
mail (22 pieces)
syllabus for Beginning Digital Photo, Fall 2008
Fallout 2 for Mac
Self Help, by Lorrie Moore
The Best of the Rolling Stones CD
directions to Grizzley's
classroom and time for Bookbinding and Photojournalism, Spring 2009
postcard of Mask, mid-20th century, Kuba Kingdom, Bushoong peoples, Democratic Republic of the Congo (Wood, raffia, clay, feathers, the Stanley Collection x1990.650)
telephone
seed beads (loose)
seed beads (in container)
approximately 1/3 ream of plain paper
2 empty CD jewelboxes
superglue
gold thread
blank note cards
highlighter
birthday card
empty keyrings

Time For a Settings Change Around Here

It's about to get a whole lot worse, sweetheart. You can kiss my fat, ugly, ass:

Things to Not Forget

For Tuesday, February 10, 2009:

8:30am out of bed
9:00am gym
10:00am home
10:15am drive downtown
10:30am cut & sew book pages, begin covering board
12:45pm drive to Menards
1:30pm teach class - black & white conversion, levels, flash controls, ISO control,white balance
3:45pm stop at Walmart, drive downtown
4:15pm finish hanging show - put up last three pieces, arrange lights, vacuum
7:30pm class
10:00pm drink?
12:00am home

For Wednesday, February 11, 2009:

9:00am out of bed
9:30am bus downtown
10:00am photograph in museum
12:00am drop off film
12:30pm assemble hardcover pamphlet, start on another
3:30pm class
5:45pm a) more adjustments in gallery b) tea and knitting, depending
6:30pm remember that class starts at 7:00, not 7:30
7:00pm class
10:30pm wait for bus
11:30pm home


Formatting on this is not ideal.

Progress Report

The shawl continues to do everything I'd hoped it would do.

Odds and Ends

I feel pretty lousy.

It could be worse, and it will be if I throw up. I know what it does to my body, and I know what it does to my head. I won't do it.

* * *



I just spent two critiques listening to people tell me I should do tilt/shift work. See, because with a view camera, or a t/s lens, I can have most of the photo out of focus, but still have some small sharp detail!

(sigh)

I know that. But at the end of the day, what you have isn't really that different from a plain ol' 80mm at f/2.8. You got something nice and crisp. You got anything a few inches away from that all soft and smushy. If I wanted shallow depth of field, I'd shoot with a shallow depth of field. And I sure as hell wouldn't be making this stuff.


* * *

And last, I have further yarn updates:



This is the second skein of the beaded yarn a few posts down. It will look a bit like a Tequila Sunrise when it's done. Or autumn leaves. You can take your pick, I like 'em both.