Habits

I bet you thought you were off the hook. No more Satanist Dan, no more boys at all, at least for a little while.

But I still think about Satanist Dan. I still miss him. I don't mind it the way I used to, it doesn't occupy as big of an emotional space, but it's still there. Out of all the people I encountered in my short-lived experiment in sleeping around, he was the only one who was ever in my bed. It matters more than I realized at the time. I feel like someone quitting a habit, I need to stop putting myself in situations that remind me of what I've left behind. But I can't, because I let him in my apartment, and now I want him back in it again.