A little while ago I decided that the default definition of boyfriend/girlfriend is a monogamous one. While there are plenty of people in poly-type relationships, I think that unless it is actually discussed at some point, I can't expect anyone to assume that I want one. Therefore, when I asked Satanist Dan to be my boyfriend, I was changing it from a de facto monogamous relationship to a real one. I didn't think about this at the time, but I am not unhappy with the realization. I was heading in that direction anyway.
So when Fenna tells Bryan that he should come visit while I'm there because one of us will make out with him, I said I wasn't available for making out. It felt really weird to say. And then it felt weird that it felt weird. So weird!
I'm not sure how I feel about this. I was really enjoying the lack of jealousy that came with the flings I was having. Back when Satanist Dan was Boy 2, he could have been sleeping around and my only concern was that he was doing it safely. After all, I was. I was kind of proud of myself for having the emotional maturity to be rational about it, because I think in the past I would have jealously wanted a double standard. So now I'm back thinking that I want Satanist Dan all to myself, and it feels a little like a step backwards into irrationality. Because I know that making out with Bryan wouldn't mean anything, or change anything. But when I think about Dan doing the same thing, I don't know how I feel, but I don't quite like it.