10 of these 12 notes are about dancing

1.  Red Flag guy continues to be charming.  I continue to squee. 

2.  I have been noticing a particular problem when I lead.  It's going to sound like braggery, but hear me out:  when I dance with beginning dancers, I have a really hard time being in charge of where we go.  I keep finding myself spiraling inwards away from the circle of dance, and I try to steer us back, and I can't.  I would be tempted to say that it's my partner's fault, except that I see other leads dance with them without that problem.  So other leads don't have that problem with newcomers, and I don't have that problem with advanced dancers.  So it could be because I'm doing it right, and so it works with someone who knows what to do, or it's because I'm doing it wrong, and the advanced dancers are compensating for me.  But if I'm doing it right, then why doesn't it work for me when I see it work for other people?

This is a question to bring to class, I think.  I actually miss taking classes at Dance New York.  They're smaller, and there's more interaction with other students and the teachers, and even though I still don't feel totally integrated, I don't feel like the kid sister. 

3.  I think I mentioned this before, but I checked the competition rules again, and I can dance in the Newcomer category for ever and ever.  Because female leads always qualify as a Newcomer.

4.  I hate not looking at my partner.  I didn't do the correct pose before, but now they're getting at me to do it right, which means looking into the air above and to the left, while my partner looks to the air above and to my right and it feels so rude.  Especially when things are not going well, I want to look at them, and smile, and be friendly and maybe even a little conspiratorial, hey look we're doing this thing together.

5. Dances I love: east coast swing (duh), hustle (all the fun parts of swing without the footwork), waltz, foxtrot.

6.  Dances I like okay: salsa & mambo, cha-cha, nightclub two-step, country two-step, west coast swing, cumbia.

7.  Dances I avoid: tango, merengue, bachata, rumba.

8.  So, basically, I dance like a white girl. 

9.  Two people who didn't know asked me if I'd lost weight.

10.  Do you know how the ballroom club picks partners for competition?  I didn't know until yesterday.  They give everyone a sheet with the possible categories (newcomer rhythm, bronze smooth, etc.) and then everyone goes around and finds people to partner with.  You're supposed to pick someone at your level, because good dancers should dance with other good dancers to maximize the potential for winning.  Which means you need to know how good other people think you are.  And THEN, after what seems like a miserable social activity, sort of like finding eight dates to eight different proms, you submit your sheets to the team leadership who will take your choices into advisement.  Which means that there is NO reason to make choices public.  There is NO reason that choices need to be agreed upon if they are only personal preferences and not actual decisions. 

Asking people to dance is hard.  It's hard and it's scary and it sometimes it takes more emotional strength than I have available.  Every time we pair up in a circle, I find a place and stand there and eventually someone, usually last, picks me.  And maybe that's because I'm just standing there, avoiding eye contact, and maybe it's because they would rather dance with someone else.  But most of the time I can't bring myself to try to pick someone because I wouldn't want to impose.  I wouldn't want to assume that they want to dance with me.  Even for sixteen counts, before we switch.

This self-selection of partners makes me want to curl up and hide and I could understand it if that was how we made decisions.  But it's not.  We're probably going to be overruled anyway. 

11.  The combination of #2 and #10 on this list scares me.  I don't mind dancing with someone I need to keep it simple for.  I've been the lowest common denominator.  I'm scared of competing with a partner that I feel as if I'm fighting with. 

12.  This is depressing.  I have a date on Saturday.  We are going to get lunch to go and take it with us to Hickory Hill where we will walk and eat lunch and then get a movie and watch it on my extravagant TV.  I am going to wear a flouncy skirt and sweater and nylons and boots and I will channel ALL my awesome and he will be blown away.  Just, y'know, not too blown away because I don't want more declarations of love, I just want declarations of awesome.

It will be AWESOME.  So there.