Wednesday, December 16, 2009

writing things down makes them real

I've been so sad lately, so stressed and miserable. I don't want to forget that in the middle of this, some things have been fantastically good.

One of my students told me that I made her feel valued, made her feel like her ideas were important.

One of my classmates, in a class I've always felt unqualified for, told me that she admired my comments and criticism.

And maybe things are over with Satanist Dan and I just don't know it yet. Maybe in January I'll know. I'll be sad. I'll pine over him, then vilify him, then, hopefully, think about other things.

But I want to remember him singing and dancing The Electric Company in my bedroom. I want to remember grocery shopping at midnight for biscuits & gravy, beer, and ice cream. I want to remember him accidentally kicking a hole in his living room wall, and I want to remember us laughing about it. There's a lot of laughing I want to remember.

I'm not trying to make it more than it was. But if it's over I'd like to remember that it was fun while it lasted. And that's a good thing. I need to think about good things.

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