morning

I feel like the sorriest person in the entire world. I am sad and hurt and angry at myself. I'm awake at 7:20 am, after having spent an hour not believing that I was awake at 6:20 am. That's actually been going on for a few days now, I don't know why. I'm sure I'll be back in bed by 9 am, trying to fashion some semblance of a normal sleep pattern.

I know I am blowing this all out of proportion. It's totally not a big deal. And it's entirely my fault. I could have done things differently, or I could have responded reasonably to what I did do.

Sara did call, and she called at 10:30! Why didn't I hear it? My phone wakes me up even in another room, I should have heard it. I would have gone out. I would have run into Andrew and Dan. I wouldn't have minded that Dan didn't call. I wouldn't have turned into this stupid ball of self pity.

I never, ever, want to be that girl again. The girl who's sad and hurt and angry because her boyfriend went out and didn't call her, who starts imagining him picking up someone else for the night. The girl who feels like she has no friends because she spent a Saturday night home alone.

The thing is, it was a misunderstanding. And as I sit here, whining and complaining about being sad and stupid, the hurt is fading. A week ago I didn't care if my boyfriend saw other people, hell, a week ago he wasn't my boyfriend. I don't know if I really care now, or if I was just finding ways to make myself miserable.

I don't even know if I want to post this. Now that I've said it, it feels so much more distant. So ridiculous. Embarrassing. This isn't how I feel, this is some temporary glitch, like being awake at 6 am on a Sunday. Time to go back to bed, maybe start the day over again in a few hours.

Good night.

I'm feeling better already.