notes: UA flight 362 SAN to DEN

I am good at organization. This might come as a surprise to anyone who has seen me work, or seen the squalor I live in, but it's true. I can take a jumble of thoughts and arrange them into an argument; I can take a jumble of things to do and arrange them into a work plan. It's not the organization that I struggle with in my life, but the implementation. But when I try to talk about my family, when I try to put together the story, I can never do it. I can't talk about my visit to San Diego last week without talking about my visit to San Diego last year, and I can't talk about that without talking about everything that came before that. And each of these stories is really a dozen stories, because I don't know what the story is or how I feel about it. There are so many different and often conflicting points of view, and sometimes it seems as if I am looking through all of them at once. Somewhere in all of this, for the first time, is my decision to go to San Diego without seeing my mother. I don't really know what to say about that, either.