Week 1, part 3

10pm, Friday.  Roast beef sandwich, 2 pieces of turkey. 

9:40am, Saturday.  213 pounds.

Everyone says that one shouldn't weigh oneself every day.  Even on a strict weight-loss regime, there isn't going to be a lot of loss on a daily basis, and there are so many other causes for fluctuation, that the little things cover up the overall changes.  Also, weighing every day fosters an unhealthy obsession with the scale as measurement of fitness--muscles weigh more than fat, so gaining muscle sometimes means gaining weight, even while the waistline is shrinking.  And obsession can lead to crazy, which can lead to eating disorders and all kinds of shit.

First off, I have an eating disorder.  It's like alcoholism: it can't be cured, but it can be managed.  I manage.  And, yes, trying to lose weight tempts the disease.  I manage.

What weighing myself every day does is teach me all those other causes for fluctuation.  I have a very keen sense of how my body works when I am losing weight.  I know that my Saturday weigh-ins are always dramatically better, because I sleep in on Saturday, and those extra 2-3 hours make a difference.  Similarly, my Monday weigh-in is always a little disappointing, not only because I relax my diet more on the weekend, but because I'm waking up early again.  I know that if I eat dinner late one day, my next weigh-in will be higher than it otherwise would be.  I know that I start retaining water as I move towards my period, and lose it right when I start bleeding. 

I also know that my day-to-days are always going to be a little erratic.  I don't despair when they go up, because I know they will go down.  And when it goes up, I know why.  I know what decisions I made or didn't make that caused my weight to change.  This is a long process I'm signing myself up for.  A year, maybe two.  And it takes decisions on a daily basis-- every morning, I have to not go to McDonald's.  Weighing myself every morning helps remind me that every day I have decisions to make, and daily decisions make a difference.  I need to know that they make a difference.